This next video comes to us from the No-Fucking-Way file. Then again, pretty much everything comes from that file. This kind of inexplicable video is why we need the file in the first place.
I refuse to believe that someone made this video without a sense of irony or satire. This is a cruel mockery of gun activists, implying that their brains are made of kevlar and simple anti-Obama associations control their belief system. The liberal who created it thought it would be appropriate to denigrate the NRA with its authorship, as if the entire organization is filled with idiots incapable of thought. I mean, if this is not satire, then what would satire of a gun-thumping idiot look like?
D.Brooks has done an excellent job of detailing the ways in which it fails the sanity test.
The central contention of this advertisement reads like a multiple choice question on a test about logical fallacies. Besides refusing to assign Secret Service protection to your children, here are some other ways in which President Obama is a hypocrite:
1. Obama tells his children he loves them. When was the last time he said he loved you?
2. Obama’s children get to wrestle with him on the couch, but if you wrestle the president, a guy in sunglasses will break your arm.
3. Malia Obama gets to have cute cornrows, but when you got cornrows, you looked stupid.
When viewing this, it looks 70% likely to be from Onion News. When tracing the uploading user's account and reading press reports in third party news media, however, it looks to be real. This is really an NRA video that was a)thought up b)created and c)published. Somewhere along those steps it a determination that this video achieves something. And the line of thinking is is so eldritch as to baffle me.
How. The. Fuck is anyone with a brain supposed to think that Obama, the President of the United States of America, is being elitist by having armed protection for his family. Presidental security and armed guards in schools are not parallel issues. In fact, they're so perpendicular that only intersect one place in our known universe: this video. And at that point is a singularity of a)stupidity so dense it sucks the light out of my soul or b)cynicism so great it sucks the light out of my soul.
Reeling both from the enormous unfulfilled demand for lawyers in the U.S. and a recent viewing of Judge Dredd, Linn County Sheriff Tim Mueller has taken to interpreting Supreme Court decisions himself. In a letter inexplicably written to Vice President Biden, the law enforcement official warned he would not enforce future laws and executive orders that he, by law, as a law enforcement official, would be legally required to enforce.
“In the wake of the recent criminal events, politicians are attempting to exploit the deaths of innocent victims by advocating for laws that would prevent honest, law-abiding Americans from possessing certain firearms,” Mueller noted in the letter, evoking the long and storied commitment to the presumption of innocence by police forces across America. Troubled by the continued exploitation of recent tragedies, Mueller mailed his letter to local sheriff departments and newspapers.
Discussing his duty to citizens of Linn County and the Constitution, he said they “Have entrusted me with a noble cause: to keep them and their families safe. My deputies and I take that responsibility very seriously and like you, have sworn to support the Constitution of the United States.” Although surveys suggest swearing to support the Constitution is at an all time low, a recent Pew Center survey notes public oaths to the Constitution are on the rise among political interest groups and individuals who have never read it.
Mueller said neither he nor his deputies will enforce any regulation enacted by Congress or by executive order of the president that offends the constitutional rights of Linn County residents. Although regulations are enacted by executive agencies and statutes are enacted by Congress, Mueller is correct that Linn County residents have constitutional rights. Whether the Constitution he has sworn to uphold entrusts the protection of those rights to the local sheriff or the court system is a legal grey area.
Initially the Constitution was heralded for its bold separation of powers. Its strict boundaries between those who interpret the law and those who enforce it have fallen by the wayside in recent years, however, owing to the law's excessive red tape and a lack of qualified legal personal to practice it. Combining the interpretive responsibilities of the judiciary and the enforcement activities of the executive branch in a single judge/executioner is increasingly favored by legal scholars and proponents of small government.
Mueller wrote, “It is the position of this sheriff that I refuse to participate, or stand idly by, while my citizens are turned into criminals due to the unconstitutional actions of misguided politicians.”
Mueller says his misguided political action is constitutional, based on a 1997 Supreme Court decision which neither the Gazette Times nor Mueller elected to specify. He is believed to be referring to Printz v. United States, a case in which the Rehnquist court continued its unique mission to scale back the Federal powers. In the split decision, five justices stipulated that Congress may not require state officials to be agents of federal enforcement. Almost as many justices held the opposite view that Congress could require it, like it had been, for over a hundred years in landmark cases like McCulloch v. Maryland (1819), Gibbons v. Ogden (1824), and Gitlow v. New York (1925).
The consequences of the Prinz indecision promised to be far-reaching, overturning years basic high school curriculum. “I spent my whole weekend memorizing terms like 'necessary and proper,' the 'elastic clause' and the 14th amendment. For the Supreme Court to come along and erase all that established law really bugs me,” said Samantha Pennington, an 11th grader at a Chicago area high school at the time of the decision. “Do those justices even read the law? Why do I have to study this stuff if they don't?” The practicable effects of the decision were negligible, however, as most state officials were happy to implement the sensible background checks mandated by federal law, and very few saw their job as to actively endanger the public.
Ultimately, Prinz opinion may be moot as it speaks solely to statutory requirements from Congress and says nothing about executive orders issued by the President. Of the 30 gun and safety proposals made by by President Obama yesterday, 17 of them are executive orders to which the Prinz precedent would not apply. At the time of press Mueller could not be reached to comment on whether he his legal staff had prepared briefs on the issue.
Following the overwhelming support for the Mueller letter from obsessive Ron Paul supporters on social networks like Facebook, a local teachers union has decided not to teach curriculum they do not agree with. “We only have so many hours in the day. Every hour we spend on difficult subjects like STIs or evolution is an hour we don't spend on Huck Finn,” said a spokesman for the Eugene Education Association, a 4J school district teacher's union. “Some of us really love Huck Finn. And Kids love the n-word,” he added, “Choosing topics we're eager to teach is part of our duty as teachers.”
This grassroots trend is finding support all the way at the national level. Congressional Republicans have rededicated themselves to their of duty preventing the lawmaking body from making laws. In a speech at a recent GOP fundraiser House Speaker John Boehner said, “We were elected by the citizens of our district for a noble cause: to keep them and their families safe. We take that responsibility seriously, and are looking forward to the upcoming debt ceiling negotiations as a chance to do so.” Regarding the potential violation of constitutional rights in Obama's gun and safety proposals, Republican spokesman Michael Steel gave a terse statement to reporters: "House committees of jurisdiction will review these recommendations, and,” pausing briefly to unclench his fists and jaw, “if the Senate passes a bill, we will also take a look at that."
Whether his inaction garners action or not, Sheriff Mueller expects fireworks on Facebook to continue to fly over over his widely publicized, yet completely apolitical stand. He has been elected sheriff of Linn County twice, and is not trying to get his name out there at all. “It's just about The Law. I am The Law.”
