Saturday, November 5, 2011

God Hates America

I was saving the title of this post for an entry on the Westboro Baptist Church, but then I realized it wouldn't be ironic enough for that purpose.

Today it serves as the scientific conclusion to an experiment recently conducted by Western "secular" governments with rain prayers.

In response to Texan rivers drying up from over-demand, Governor Rick Perry ordained a weekend of prayer in April. Understanding that God controls the rain and if we ask Him nicely enough He will strike the clouds with the Holy Rainbringer, we can only conclude that the 5 billion dollars lost due to the worst year-long drought in Texas history means He didn't get the message.

This month, the desert-dwelling nation of Israel, frustrated by the perpetual lack of rain in deserts they settle in, took matters into their own two hands. As per their annual schedule they pressed their hands together and said "God, how about some rain?" And immediately God said unto them, "Okay." Immediately here indicates cause-and-effect and satisfaction due to low standards. Usually Israelis pray for rain for weeks.


Did they do a better job of praying to God? Or does just God work in mysterious ways of satire?

In a show of appreciation for God's sense of humor, the US Congress recently voted to remind everyone that in the 1950's they voted a national motto into law; "In God We Trust." Since no laws actually changed, the vote can't be construed as anything other than a sort of passive aggressive note for God, and...satire?

Note: Only the government is allowed to pray rather than act. If individuals use the same approach they will go to prison.

No comments:

Post a Comment