I don't understand why this website Texts from Bennett is popping up on my Facebook feed from multiple angles today. The people posting it are claiming it's "the best tumblr ever" or "so funny" or longing "I wish there were more." Bafflingly one wrote, "This is COMEDY!!!" as if front kicking his doubt into a well. Or perhaps he's just a Satire?blog reader and knows how hilarious it is to pretend things that suck might be intentional.
It's not a funny website, nor is it real. We know this for two reasons.
First, the author says it's 100% real. There is no surer sign of mendacity than figures in the 99-100th percentile. Similarly, any sentence that begins with "to be honest" is about to transform into some hilarious bullshit. I don't think these are physical laws that govern the universe or anything, I just know that in a meta world, that is any world where the majority of the population is 4+ years old and sentient, assertions of truth can't help but raise alarm. Why are you insisting something is true? Aha, because you have motives! Where there are motives there is bullshit; so, everywhere basically.
Second, the following exchange mentions a specific Lil' Wayne lyric.
This lyric was recently featured in a Bloomberg Businessweek article on RapGenius.com, which, I know, is basically the intersection of everything everything misunderstood in this world.
When the rapper Lil Wayne, aka Dwayne Mic Carter, was released from prison last year after doing time for attempted gun possession, he disappeared into the studio to work on his comeback album, Tha Carter IV. The rap star sent his fans into a frenzy with the release of the first single, 6 Foot 7 Foot, packed with densely woven boasts, threats, and drug references. There was one line, however, that confounded everybody: “Real Gs run in silence like lasagna.”
While some rap aficionados assumed Lil Wayne had blazed one joint too many, the founders of Rap Genius, a two-year-old website that uses the Internet’s hive mind to explore the deeper meanings of hip-hop wordplay, were determined to unravel the mystery. They posted the lyrics to 6 Foot 7 Foot and soon they had an answer. “When you pronounce ‘lasagna’ this G is silent,” Rap Genius contributor “vmoney” wrote on the site. “We certainly had that up before Yahoo! Answers (YHOO) or Cha Cha,” boasts Mahbod Moghadam, one of the site’s founders.
Do you believe Bennett would read Businessweek? Of course not, he's functionally illiterate and if he knew checking his texts was reading he'd stop doing it. So this website is clearly fictional.
At the moment it's not selling anything obvious other than Iphones, but it's relatively new. Viral marketing has to establish an audience first, and in this case they need to establish the two characters. Eventually things will change. They won't let Bennett, the buffoon character, endorse anything, so the nameless protagonist will start mentioning products he uses or political opinions he has. I think as the straight man he's suppose to do the pitching (which by the way is an insightful metaphor, a pun, and double entendre). In the event this site is maintained by a hobbyist and not a corporate firm, the site will be quietly monetized with ads on the sides and the obligatory Texts-from-Bennett Tshirts. In either event I am sure to see it again and again on my facebook feed.
Perhaps bath salts?
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